Generous Offers

Since this is the season for gift-giving and tremendous shopping offers, I scanned through my "spam" e-mail this morning to see what unbelievable deals might be available to me. I was astonished that I could take advantage of any of the following offers:

• 60 percent off vehicle warranties! (Never mind that both of my cars are more than 10 years old)
• Fast and easy term life with no medical exam! (I am an insurance agent and already well-insured)
• Make $1,000 in 48 hours with no product and no money! (What more can be said about that?)
• Law enforcement professionals are needed in my area and scholarships are waiting! (Ironic, since the Cedar Rapids police department recently went through a round of layoffs)
• Drop 20 pounds in two weeks! (Oh, if it were only so)
• Someone has sent me a Christmas gift card! (Wonder who the "someone" is?)
• Final attempt: confirm your e-mail address for K-Mart shipment! (I haven't shopped at K-Mart for years. Remember what Rainman said about K-Mart ...)
• Want the best free laptop in the world? (I'll bet that's a great machine)
• Wanna see my pics? (One of many offers to meet and/or see someone or something that I don't want to meet or see)
• Buy phentermine online without a prescription! (What is phentermine?)
• Blackjack tournament needs a high roller! (Uh, high roller has never been a phrase attached to me)
• Final attempt: confirm your e-mail address for K-Mart shipment! (I thought I had already received my final attempt???)
• Get $1,500 in your bank account in one hour! (Wonder how that happens?)
• Win Whoppers and free fries! (That would be a reason to respond to the "lose 20 pounds in two weeks" e-mail)
• Say no to drugs! (How refreshing, as 28 offers are asking me to say "yes" to drugs)
• Final attempt: confirm your e-mail address for K-Mart shipment! (Third time is a charm)

Of course, I never open any of these spam e-mails, and rarely look through them. My account separates them out (thankfully) into a separate inbox.

Well, if you're looking for just the right gift between now and the 25th, let me know and I'll set you up with any of these fine opportunities.

Holiday Entertainment Greats

Just 12 days to go before Christmas. In the song, "The 12 Days of Christmas," is today the first day, the 12th day, or are we not counting yet?

Beginning with "It's the Great Pumpkin, Charlie Brown," the television and movie theaters are full of holiday specials during the weeks leading up to Christmas. The screen offerings have become just as much of the holiday season as any other tradition. They are diverse as George C. Scott's Ebenezer Scrooge and Macaulay Caulkin's Kevin.

If you could watch just three holiday specials between October 31 and January 1, what would they be? Movies? Cartoon classics? Parades? Here are my three ...

1) From the big screen we have A Christmas Carol, Miracle on 42nd Street, It's a Wonderful Life, A Christmas Story (you'll shoot yer eye out!), Home Alone, and many more to choose from. But if I could only see one, it would be Christmas Vacation. It's clearly the best of the "Vacation" franchise films, and anyone with an eccentric cousin or in-law in the family will sympathize with Clark Griswold.

2) The Rankin Bass production company made holiday specials for the small screen throughout the 60's and 70's. You're familiar with their work, if not their names. The team that brought us Frosty the Snowman and Rudolph the Rednosed Reindeer also brought as my favorite among this genre -- The Year Without a Santa Claus. As a kid I remember its two unique characters -- Heat Mizer and Snow Mizer. For two decades the show disappeared from network television, only to resurface a couple years ago. We DVD recorded it, so I'll never have to miss it again.

3) And what would Christmas entertainment be without "A Charlie Brown Christmas?" The "original" Charlie Brown specials of the 1960's are all classics, and this is the best among them. Of course, the highlight is Linus' rendering Biblical recitation of Christ's birth. Charlie Brown and friends do indeed discover the true meaning of Christmas.

No Grinch (though I like arsenic sauce), no parades (though Macy's usually marches through my family room), and no Bah Humbug (though the ghosts will visit our home). The rules were, only choose three.

Let's hear your favorites ...

Reflections from an Old Man

The title might lead you to believe this entry is being written by a guest.

Nope. I am that old man.

I discovered this fact during the last several days of Thanksgiving celebrations in Des Moines with Michelle's extended family. Here are the top six symptoms used to diagnose myself as an old man.

1. Bowling leaves you breathless and sore. Bowling is not an aerobic activity, at least it's not suppose to be. But bowling Friday night left me with a sore left knee (from planting my left foot before bending over and letting loose of the ball) and tired.
2. Your pants are tight BEFORE you eat the big Thanksgiving meal. I was already looking for a new belthole 30 minutes before pumpkin pie began gliding down the back of my tongue. I was well-behaved with my eating all weekend, yet still felt continuously stuffed into my clothes.
3. Hanging out with the parents is easier than hanging out with the cousins. Michelle's uncles and aunts are in their 50's. Her cousins range from early 20's to late 30'. The younger cousins are fun and full of energy. We related well to the uncles and aunts.
4. The van turns into a pumpkin at midnight. Enough said.
5. Gray hairs. I've had a little gray in my temples for a few years. Now I'm getting a few grays on top. No big deal really, just a sign of things to come.
6. The day-after effects of touch football feels like the equivalent of having suited up for the Chicago Bears

On the Eve of Thanskgiving

I'll be in the office for a couple hours today, then packing the van and driving over the interstate and through the cornfields to grandmother's house. Not my grandmother, but my childrens' grandmother. Michelle is excited to be among the 40 branches that will hang from the Ober family tree this week as uncles and cousins gather for Thanksgiving.

I'm thankful to be taking my family of four to see our extended family -- thankful that we have a family in Des Moines and Cedar Rapids that we would care to spend our holidays with. While no family escapes a certain level of dysfunctionality, God has certainly blessed us with a lot of love and support that we cherish.

I'm also thankful for all that God has provided this past year -- enough income to pay the bills, enough health to keep us on our feet, enough truth to help us spiritually grow, and enough grace to call us His own.

Have a blessed Thanksgiving!