Generous Offers

Since this is the season for gift-giving and tremendous shopping offers, I scanned through my "spam" e-mail this morning to see what unbelievable deals might be available to me. I was astonished that I could take advantage of any of the following offers:

• 60 percent off vehicle warranties! (Never mind that both of my cars are more than 10 years old)
• Fast and easy term life with no medical exam! (I am an insurance agent and already well-insured)
• Make $1,000 in 48 hours with no product and no money! (What more can be said about that?)
• Law enforcement professionals are needed in my area and scholarships are waiting! (Ironic, since the Cedar Rapids police department recently went through a round of layoffs)
• Drop 20 pounds in two weeks! (Oh, if it were only so)
• Someone has sent me a Christmas gift card! (Wonder who the "someone" is?)
• Final attempt: confirm your e-mail address for K-Mart shipment! (I haven't shopped at K-Mart for years. Remember what Rainman said about K-Mart ...)
• Want the best free laptop in the world? (I'll bet that's a great machine)
• Wanna see my pics? (One of many offers to meet and/or see someone or something that I don't want to meet or see)
• Buy phentermine online without a prescription! (What is phentermine?)
• Blackjack tournament needs a high roller! (Uh, high roller has never been a phrase attached to me)
• Final attempt: confirm your e-mail address for K-Mart shipment! (I thought I had already received my final attempt???)
• Get $1,500 in your bank account in one hour! (Wonder how that happens?)
• Win Whoppers and free fries! (That would be a reason to respond to the "lose 20 pounds in two weeks" e-mail)
• Say no to drugs! (How refreshing, as 28 offers are asking me to say "yes" to drugs)
• Final attempt: confirm your e-mail address for K-Mart shipment! (Third time is a charm)

Of course, I never open any of these spam e-mails, and rarely look through them. My account separates them out (thankfully) into a separate inbox.

Well, if you're looking for just the right gift between now and the 25th, let me know and I'll set you up with any of these fine opportunities.